Dumb Wagon!!!

So I fell off the dumb wagon yesterday! I've been holding on for a while and my grip has been getting looser as this last week past. I haven't been to the gym since June. A whole month, and I can't believe it. I'm so upset that I did this, and know it's got to change. I also have pushed my eating. I haven't gotten sick from bad things, but I started pushing it the middle of July. I was making cakes like crazy one week and it was tempting. I fought the temptation all week and on saturday I just had to taste my chocolate cupcake filled with Nutella buttercream. I've been so good about not eating my baking, but that was the tipping point. Since then, I've tried all kinds of things. If it's not too high in sugar, sure, I'll try it. WHAT AM I DOING? I so wanted to get super physically ill from fat and sugar and I don't. I get uncomfortable, but that's nothing new. I've always gotten "uncomfortable" from sweets. That has never stopped me before.
Yesterday we had a potluck at work. Not my first since surgery, but it was the hardest. Now that I am six months out I can eat a little of everything, mostly. But how I wish I couldn't. I sorta wish I were at 3 months again. I could eat some things, not all soft foods, but not anything.  I am thinking the honeymoon might be over.
I have lost 90lbs since january and now only 2 this month. Yep, this is going to be hard again. Well I enjoyed it while it lasted. I will still enjoy it, but know it's more on me now than before.
So, what am I going to do about  it?
1) Back to basics: Protein first. A plate that is 1/2 protein, 1/4 vegie and 1/4 good carbs. What does that look like? broccoli that is in my freezer and no more corn. Quinoa and whole grains, nothing not whole grain. Less processed foods. I will still eat my protein bars, but try to eat a natural protein more often. So maybe one bar a day. And 15-20 grams of protein per meal.
2) Eat 6 times a day, small meals. That is not what everyone says, they all say 3 meals no snacking. But what worked for me this past 6 months was eating every 2-3 hours. That means wake up and eat high protein. 3 hrs later eat high protein....you get the picture.
3) Drink my 64 oz of water plus EVERY DAY! I'm good for one day, then slack the next.
4) Write down what I am eating. When I eat it. I have slacked on that too. I'm grateful one of my WLS buddies called me on that. I use myfitnesspal.com and love it!!!!!!
5) No drinking with meals. I found that I could eat a little more if I drank while I ate. I told myself it was just for special occasions, but....well, it became habit again. 30min after eating for sure, and 15-30 before if possible.
6) Exercise.... 30 minutes a day is the suggested/required. So, back to it. I have outgrown all my workout clothes. Good excuse, huh? So I have two pairs of workout pants. I will wash them tonight and stick them in my backpack. I will make this work. My excuse this month has been that I take the train and don't have enough clothes. So, kill that. I will carry my clothes in my packpack everyday. No excuse. I will take train A to the stop and switch to train B that goes to my gym. Literally 1/2 block walk. Then take train B back to train A and go home. It's really not that complicated.
7) I will quit eating out. It's not that eating out is bad, but it has gotten me out of the habit of measuring and being super careful. I will pack my lunches for the week and take it to work ahead of time. That way I only have a big lunch bag one day a week. Then use my Trader Joe's cool red one for supolemental stuff.
8) I will be sure to take ALL  my vitamins EVERY day. No more excusing the skipping. My stats were good at 6 months, but I need to be sure they stay good.  I will go tonight to buy my b12 and start taking that daily again.

Wow, that sounds like a lot, but I know it's a spiral and doing one thing right makes it easier to do the other things right.

THIS IS MY LIFE WE ARE TALKING ABOUT. I am not "normal" and never will be "normal". Who is? I chose this journey because I want to be healthy and look good. Yes, I want to look good. I want to find a man who I please visually. I want to continue feeling like I don't stand out in a crowd for my size. I want to be healthy for the children that God allows me to have! I want to do so many things that I haven't done because I let my weight stop me.

Wagon...hold on. I'm Back!!!