Yesterday was a rough day. Up until I got to spend 40 minutes on a nature trail sweating, crying, singing and praying. I went to Laumeier Sculpture Park in south county. It was absolutely beautiful to be there. The terrain is hilly, both up and down, and there were leaves everywhere. I really enjoyed myself. Then I hung out with Amelia for 2 1/2 hrs outside. It is soooo beautiful here right now.
Let me back up. I think I woke up pissy!! That's the only way to explain how I've been feeling. For 3 days now. I am relying on outside things to fulfill me, instead of God. Tuesday I knew I was emotional and wanted to eat that way. So I did, I still can until the surgery, and I had onion rings and a sloppy joe from the cafe next door. It tasted yucky. All of it. So not only did I eat bad for me food, it didn't even taste good. I also have had soda twice in two days and haven't liked it at all. That is a good thing. So to fix that issue, I went to the butcher and got me alot of chicken breast and cooked up some all natural chicken in it's own broth. Yummy! I've had that for lunch for 2 days. I make it really spicy, so I trick my stomach into thinking I've eaten more. I hope I can still eat spicy after my surgery!!!!
I have also been struggling with feeling incompetent at my job. Not really, just I'm the type of person who needs to be busy and needed. I haven't been busy lately and that is a struggle for me. I think that is looking up, and I am also working on making myself busier. Reading some science articles, which I don't always understand, but I'm learning little bits at a time. My brain naturally gets educational stuff. I do not however naturally get science.
I don't need to rehash all of my pity party (asl, singing, work, finances, relationships/lack there of), but the point is that I need to rely on God more. How that looks, I'm not sure, but I'll be working on that. Here's an example of how: I put my headphones on and played the last artist I had listened to. AaronJeffrey. I haven't really listened to them for a while, but used one of their songs on sunday. It was exactly what God and I had talked about on the drive to the park. I really needed to hear those words and the comfort of the music.
Also, I'm learning that walking is a huge help to my emotions, and even more important, NOT walking is worse for my emotions. I feel amazing when I walk. Yes I cry alot when I walk. Not sure if it's the walking itself, or the fact that I think alot on walks. But, I always feel better. Even if it is an exceptionally hard walk.
Speaking of, since the time change happened it is getting dark way way tooooo soon, so I gotta split and go walk.
