stuggling

I think I am sabotaging myself. I know that I need to not beat myself up and just re-focus, but I'm mad at myself for not doing well. I went to my friends wedding this weekend. That started on thursday afternoon. I basically gave up control of myself for 2 days. I was up really, really late on thursday and up early on friday. I was there to do whatever was needed of me by my friend. I know I ate 2 pieces of pizza for lunch, had another around 11pm when I realized I was starving. I had a miserable pos from burger king for bk and that was sooooooo not worth the calories, for dinner I had 1 large piece of ham and a few bites of some really good potato salad and cole slaw. The good thing about that day was that by 5pm I had already walked 15,000 steps and the day wasn't over yet.
saturday I ate a biscuit, 2 pcs bacon and a few bites of egg for bk as we were getting ready to start the day. I then had maybe 6 pieces of cracker and sausage and cheese. then didn't eat til 6ish and that was good but not so healthy: fried chicken (i ate mostly the skin), hashbrown casserole (yummy) and corn. oh yea and some salad.

point is I didn't eat right then on sunday when I could have controled and moved back to eating right, i didn't. I literally ate chips and sour cream all day and 2-200cal cookies. i was tired and didn't want to cook.

then monday i did good and ate right throughout the day, but then made a poor choice for dinner at pasta house. i ate their regular salad and scampi pasta. didn't eat it all there, but did finish it up later.

tuesday, i did good again throughout the day, but blew it for dinner. I ate 6 pieces of a little ceasers thin crust pepporoni. i knew it then too that i was making a mistake and just wanted to feel full. was watching biggest loser at the same time. really, sitting on my butt, watching other people be successful and I eat almost an entire pizza!!! something was wrong there.

ok, i took the time and beat myself up for that. now today i can move on and forward. no more looking back at this past weekend.

got up and cooked 2 chicken breasts and 2 pieces of meat for the next few days. i made oatmeal w/o butter and brown sugar. can't eat it, just tastes like mush. so i am eating 3 pieces of sharp cheddar cheese. today will be better and I know i will walk this evening with Abbe. so, i'll let you know how i do.