I have been waiting for these storms to come. I love, love, love storms. Now they are here and it isn't helping my mood at all. My bad mood started last thursday. Thought it was just PMS and being tired, but it hasn't left me yet. At first it was just work that was making me mad, really just a few people, but now it is everything! I am just plain old mad. I feel like my nose is permanently wrinkled up in disgust. Yuck!
I haven't walked since last wednesday. First I didn't feel good. Then I was busy. Then it was pure laziness. This is the consistency that I have trouble with.
I haven't eaten right since saturday afternoon. Then I babysat and let my eating get crazy. I think I had like 6 oreo's on sunday. 3 pieces of domino's thin crust, stl style pizza. I drank the entire time I was eating. Monday I had way too many crunchy cheetos. I then had to make 4 dozen cupcakes. How do you make homemade baked goods without tasting for approval? So, overall it has been a rough weekend for both food and exercise.
I'm just plain old depressed and tired and cry-ee and emotional. Hooray! :(
I'm coming out of the exercise thing today though. I WILL walk this evening or do an aerobics thing on tv.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!
So I met with the new dietician this week. I have decided to move from St. Alexius for my surgery, to DesPeres. WHAT A DIFFERENCE. I wanted to cry last month after my meeting at St. Alexius and came out of DesPeres with an entirely different feeling. I am encoraged by a few things:
1) I lost 6 lbs in 20 days.
2) my exercising is paying off, (see 1)
3) i now understand why some of the things i was told to do are so important
4) the only thing i have to swear off is carbonated beverages. really? that's all. done!
5) i see the light at the end of the tunnel. (explanation below)
6) i can add things into my life that will be routine for the rest of my life. that's more positive than all the things that i am taking out of my life.
7) I lost 6 lbs in 20 days!!!! just a little excited
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!
So, any of you who have struggled with eating (too much or too little) can understand the overwhelming feeling you get when you start to eat healthy. Really lose 150lbs??? Ok, that was what I weighed back in......I don't know? 6th grade?? I don't see it happening. Right? It's overwhelming. I have absolutely no idea what that looks like for me. Truly!
But with this surgery, I'm going to see it sooner. It is going to help me see the benefits of exercise and healthy eating sooner. I won't have to wait 3 entire years or more to see the finish line (so to speak). Imagine...something you really really want and having to work/wait for 3 yrs, or more. And this is something you have been waiting for many years in the past. Hard right? You have 10lbs to lose.. that is realistic and "visible". 150lbs...wow, that's alot. But now I see it as a possibility.
I am proud of the changes in my life that I have been making.
1) Exercising 3-5 x a week. With the goal of 5-7x.
2) Walking a 5k in 1:05. SOOOOO proud of that time.
3) Preferring healthy food over non. Starting to like chicken.
4) House is cleaner, because I'm trying not to sit so much.
5) Sleeping better and more rested.
6) Tracking my daily food intake. 14% more weightloss on record for those who do this. My dietician, who is thin, does this. Huh??? Wonder why she stays thin?
Anyway, it's been a good week. I am feeling and seeing the difference in my body from all my work. That should be enough, but look out world. I'm going further!!!!
1) I lost 6 lbs in 20 days.
2) my exercising is paying off, (see 1)
3) i now understand why some of the things i was told to do are so important
4) the only thing i have to swear off is carbonated beverages. really? that's all. done!
5) i see the light at the end of the tunnel. (explanation below)
6) i can add things into my life that will be routine for the rest of my life. that's more positive than all the things that i am taking out of my life.
7) I lost 6 lbs in 20 days!!!! just a little excited
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel!
So, any of you who have struggled with eating (too much or too little) can understand the overwhelming feeling you get when you start to eat healthy. Really lose 150lbs??? Ok, that was what I weighed back in......I don't know? 6th grade?? I don't see it happening. Right? It's overwhelming. I have absolutely no idea what that looks like for me. Truly!
But with this surgery, I'm going to see it sooner. It is going to help me see the benefits of exercise and healthy eating sooner. I won't have to wait 3 entire years or more to see the finish line (so to speak). Imagine...something you really really want and having to work/wait for 3 yrs, or more. And this is something you have been waiting for many years in the past. Hard right? You have 10lbs to lose.. that is realistic and "visible". 150lbs...wow, that's alot. But now I see it as a possibility.
I am proud of the changes in my life that I have been making.
1) Exercising 3-5 x a week. With the goal of 5-7x.
2) Walking a 5k in 1:05. SOOOOO proud of that time.
3) Preferring healthy food over non. Starting to like chicken.
4) House is cleaner, because I'm trying not to sit so much.
5) Sleeping better and more rested.
6) Tracking my daily food intake. 14% more weightloss on record for those who do this. My dietician, who is thin, does this. Huh??? Wonder why she stays thin?
Anyway, it's been a good week. I am feeling and seeing the difference in my body from all my work. That should be enough, but look out world. I'm going further!!!!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
stuggling
I think I am sabotaging myself. I know that I need to not beat myself up and just re-focus, but I'm mad at myself for not doing well. I went to my friends wedding this weekend. That started on thursday afternoon. I basically gave up control of myself for 2 days. I was up really, really late on thursday and up early on friday. I was there to do whatever was needed of me by my friend. I know I ate 2 pieces of pizza for lunch, had another around 11pm when I realized I was starving. I had a miserable pos from burger king for bk and that was sooooooo not worth the calories, for dinner I had 1 large piece of ham and a few bites of some really good potato salad and cole slaw. The good thing about that day was that by 5pm I had already walked 15,000 steps and the day wasn't over yet.
saturday I ate a biscuit, 2 pcs bacon and a few bites of egg for bk as we were getting ready to start the day. I then had maybe 6 pieces of cracker and sausage and cheese. then didn't eat til 6ish and that was good but not so healthy: fried chicken (i ate mostly the skin), hashbrown casserole (yummy) and corn. oh yea and some salad.
point is I didn't eat right then on sunday when I could have controled and moved back to eating right, i didn't. I literally ate chips and sour cream all day and 2-200cal cookies. i was tired and didn't want to cook.
then monday i did good and ate right throughout the day, but then made a poor choice for dinner at pasta house. i ate their regular salad and scampi pasta. didn't eat it all there, but did finish it up later.
tuesday, i did good again throughout the day, but blew it for dinner. I ate 6 pieces of a little ceasers thin crust pepporoni. i knew it then too that i was making a mistake and just wanted to feel full. was watching biggest loser at the same time. really, sitting on my butt, watching other people be successful and I eat almost an entire pizza!!! something was wrong there.
ok, i took the time and beat myself up for that. now today i can move on and forward. no more looking back at this past weekend.
got up and cooked 2 chicken breasts and 2 pieces of meat for the next few days. i made oatmeal w/o butter and brown sugar. can't eat it, just tastes like mush. so i am eating 3 pieces of sharp cheddar cheese. today will be better and I know i will walk this evening with Abbe. so, i'll let you know how i do.
saturday I ate a biscuit, 2 pcs bacon and a few bites of egg for bk as we were getting ready to start the day. I then had maybe 6 pieces of cracker and sausage and cheese. then didn't eat til 6ish and that was good but not so healthy: fried chicken (i ate mostly the skin), hashbrown casserole (yummy) and corn. oh yea and some salad.
point is I didn't eat right then on sunday when I could have controled and moved back to eating right, i didn't. I literally ate chips and sour cream all day and 2-200cal cookies. i was tired and didn't want to cook.
then monday i did good and ate right throughout the day, but then made a poor choice for dinner at pasta house. i ate their regular salad and scampi pasta. didn't eat it all there, but did finish it up later.
tuesday, i did good again throughout the day, but blew it for dinner. I ate 6 pieces of a little ceasers thin crust pepporoni. i knew it then too that i was making a mistake and just wanted to feel full. was watching biggest loser at the same time. really, sitting on my butt, watching other people be successful and I eat almost an entire pizza!!! something was wrong there.
ok, i took the time and beat myself up for that. now today i can move on and forward. no more looking back at this past weekend.
got up and cooked 2 chicken breasts and 2 pieces of meat for the next few days. i made oatmeal w/o butter and brown sugar. can't eat it, just tastes like mush. so i am eating 3 pieces of sharp cheddar cheese. today will be better and I know i will walk this evening with Abbe. so, i'll let you know how i do.
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